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I feel like my family is being torn apart at the seams from our dysfunctionality. I don’t ask my mother for alot, but when I do, I always get shot down. For example, I went to horseback riding camp for the first time and at the end we had a small show. The instructor asked my mom directly to let me to keep riding. My mom was really happy and when I asked her if I could keep riding later, she said, “We’ll see.” I looked at barns for a while by myself and found a really nice barn with lower cost and plenty of good reviews. A few days later, I asked my mom again if I could keep riding and she gave me the same answer. Later she confronted me about it and said that it wasn’t going to happen, because my brother is going to college soon and he slacked off in school so he isn’t getting any scholarships and also because it was unrealistic. I told her that I could pay the first month myself because I had saved up my birthday money and the money from the medical studies I participate in. She then told me that I had to go to a tutor because she can’t accept that I’m not a straight A student and that she has to pay out of pocket. My mom had talked to my dad and he doesn’t want to pay the money. I know that he has it because he showed me his accounts. My father honestly doesn’t like to spent money on my mom, my brother and I because he thinks we waste it. My mom has to pay for everything we buy, including groceries, clothing, school supplies, and tutors. He hates my brother because he said some really bad things (hurtful) about him. My dad found out because he put a keylogger on the computer. He even lives in the basement now because he can’t stand my mom. He starts to punch holes in walls and he always blames things on me and he scared my mother so much she had to call the police on him one night. He started acting like he did nothing and it was my mom’s fault, which was not true at all. I feel like crying every time I think about my brother because he gets treated so badly by my mom and my dad. I feel like I can’t criticize them about it though because I treat him badly even though on the inside I’m screaming at myself. My dad has held him up by his throat against the fridge for lying to him and my mom screams at him all the time to get out of her house or that she’s going to slap him for the smallest things. i’ve become really pessimistic at home and I stay on my laptop all day. I don’t smile much, unless the whole family is happy and laughing at something. Even though we might be having a good time sometimes, my dad will indirectly insult my mom and make her feel bad. Especially about her family and what she says. I know for a fact that he really dislikes my mom’s family because he always mocks my grandmother. She’s so sweet, yet he’s so rude when he speaks about her. He even accused my mom of saying, “I wish your mom would go ahead and die.” to him, which I know isn’t true. My dad has also tapped the home phone to listen to her conversations with her mom. My mom always says that we’re going to give her a heart attack because we trouble her so much. She has diabetes and a whole load of other medical problems too. I have Chrons disease and I stopped taking my pills months ago because I feel that it’s not worth it. I can’t even seem to pull myself together for my last year of middle school and I don’t even have a dream for the future anymore. What should I do’ I honestly feel like my family isn’t going to last much longer.

Sorry for the long question. Thanks for your help.